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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
******
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
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My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.) |
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What to do....
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Oct 16, 2011 11:37 pm
2133 Views
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After a very interesting Friday, my weekend slowed down and I managed to get a part of the main floor in my house tidied. Working as many nights as I have in the past month has not been conducive to organization. I think I slept a fair bit of the weekend and hopefully caught back up...at least to some extent. Should have a break before we move into activity types and the next stage of budgets...at least, marginally.
I love it when I'm busy...I loathe it when people call me just before I go home and tell me what they need from me first thing in the morning. Need to remember my boss's credo, "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on ours." Yeah...I can see me using that one....lol...
The first of the two jobs I'm interested in will post in the next couple of days, but it's in Texas and I'm kind of cringing at the idea. I'm not yet ready to sell my house (it's not yet finished) and Texas is flipping hot (and did I mention BIG spiders?). But, it would put me closer to my daughter. When my boss asked me to apply for it, I think I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. He asked what I had to lose by applying. I hadn't yet figured out a nice way to respond when he said, "What? That you might get it?" OMG...the man really knows me.
We'll see what happens. I'm really waiting for the second one to post, but we aren't even sure yet that it will happen. Dang it...it's a dream job for me, one I could create from the ground up...and that's what I love best in my work.
Okay...off for the shower. Although...going out and dancing in the rain would accomplish the same thing....hmmm....
**************************************************************
Your tears the bitter taste of forgiveness, your fears the unforgotten memories of that which others granted you, your heart the untested strength of certainty...your love the lamp by which my path is lit. Let it burn as candles flicker, in dances of the spirit.
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Why Can't Friendships be Free of Gender Bias?
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Oct 15, 2011 12:17 am
2566 Views
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People are strange. It's as if...everyone has to follow the same drumbeat. What happens if my melody is a lilting flute?
My friend is getting divorced. We built a friendship during his last divorce. He'd only been married a couple of months when his wife left him. There was an awards dinner coming up at the company and I kept thinking about how hard it would be for him to walk into the dinner with everyone feeling sorry for him that his most recent venture into marriage had failed, so I asked if he'd like to go with me. After that, we went to the dinners together every year until this year..since he'd gotten remarried. We built a friendship that is very important to me.
He's a lovely man...with his own quirks and foibles. We can talk about literally anything although he always thinks he has to be right...until I tell him he's wrong. I'm just kidding, that was actually a joke that came up tonight from some joint friends. I'm not in love with him and never have been, although he is one of my very best friends.
Today he told me that his wife thinks I'm interested in him both romantically . I wanted to say...hell bubba, if I'd wanted you that way...you'd have never met her. Instead I just looked stunned. He stared at me with this strange look on his face as if he were questioning if it were true. Was he hoping or horrified? I wanted to ask why it is so impossible for people to believe we are friends. I'd help him with anything and he'd do the same for me...but we've never even dated one another.
It made me wonder if he were looking for an affirmative answer. For five years the man has come to my office twice a day to visit. At one time there was some discussion at the plant that he and I were going to get married...right up until people found out that I was engaged to Jeff. When I lost Jeff, he was one of the people who came to offer arms to hold me while I cried. He was there to listen through the worst period of my life and spent countless hours talking and praying with me. Still, we remained friends...and nothing more.
When I got my tattoo, he chewed me out and asked if I'd ever have the central twist in the vine covered with a flower...to conceal the initials that were put there. I don't know if I'd ever do that...it means something to me. Covering them would mean I wanted to please someone else...and that they no longer meant the same thing to me. Aside from the pain, since that twist lies over the fine bones in my ankle, it would alter the delicacy of the tattoo.
It made me sad to think that I was a problem in his marriage and I asked him...if I stopped talking to him, would it help his marriage. He didn't believe anything would. I don't criticize his wife, I barely know her. She's made no effort to get to know any of us who've tried to establish friendships with her. She simply hates the town and everyone in it. How very painful it must make living here for her.
And the whole thing make me wonder why people think gender differences make it impossible for us to just be friends. I don't expect other people to be like me, I'm as unique as the fingertips that represent that distinction. So...why do other people think I have to be like them? Why can't they see that each one of those differences we all share...are what make us special...and what allows us to build our individual worlds exactly as we perceive them? We each have something to teach...and to learn. Maybe one of the things I teach...is how to be open to friendships with anyone and everyone...regardless of rules which say it isn't supposed to be that way.
How is that wrong?
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Finding Happiness
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Oct 13, 2011 11:22 pm
2164 Views
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Happiness is not always continuous...it is the tiny moments in which we find ourselves unexpectedly relishing the experience.
It can be as simple as the person who stops you to say your smile is wonderful, as delicate as the breath of air scented with freshly fallen rain, as complex as the person who wraps your heart safely in their own, as complete as the tiny life you look on for the first time....but it is not promised for every minute or every day. The greatest joy I've found is in the lives that touch mine, even just in a passing gesture...with no expectation and no anticipation...the fragile surprises that we almost dismiss...or maybe we do.
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No Time for Goodbye
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Oct 12, 2011 10:51 pm
1943 Views
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Tonight I actually took a night away from work and school. Not that I've actually managed to get back to my schoolwork, I've been too busy trying to find a strange glitch in our budget report. Interestingly, the same data, presented two different ways, is calculating different answers rather than tying out...and it's presenting a ~$20/ton variance each month...which amounts to $120 K over the course of the year. That wouldn't be material at the plant I actually work at, but for the plant who's budget I'm working, it is substantial. Three accountants have reviewed the work, we all know what the problem is and what the correct figures should be, but none of us have been able to figure out what's causing the problem. After some 25 hours of staring at the same spreadsheets...I've stopped looking and recognized that I need to force the numbers to work. Sometimes it works that way, but it feels like failure to me.
I'm too tired to care about schoolwork so I decided to watch television, which is harder than it sounds since I don't actually have satellite or cable, but I do get Netflix streaming. I watched several episodes of the Ghost Whisperer...a series which is no longer on, but caught my interest. I love the show, but it makes me cry. Or maybe I needed a catalyst to cry...I'm not sure. I don't allow tears to fall often these days. If you haven't seen the show, it's about a young woman who sees the dead and helps them to find closure in the world so they can move forward.
I don't care for television. I find most shows pitifully worthless and don't enjoy them, so on the rare occasion I find one that I actually connect with, I enjoy it tremendously...and then it goes away. Like books...and people...when a movie or television series touches me...makes me think, challenges me, makes me feel...I am hooked.
It's not that the show gives me hope for something more, I've always believed there is much more than we imagine beyond this life. But, some of the stories touch my heart. I can imagine how hard it would be to move forward while the ones you love are broken and hurting. When my father died, it was sudden and completely unexpected. He'd gone to work, recently had a physical and received a clean bill of health, and I was expecting to have dinner and play cards with him later that day. When I heard he was dead, I thought it was a cruel joke. How could that be possible, I'd talked to him early in the morning? And then he was gone.
At the time, I would stop in at his shop each morning on my way to work and have a cup of coffee with him, talking to him about everything...particularly the work we had planned to do on my house and the way my marriage was falling apart. It was horribly painful to drive by his shop...and often I forgot that he wasn't there and pulled up in front only to find myself crying as I realized he would never be there again. For as bad as my childhood was, we'd built a strong...if cautious...friendship once I was an adult.
I listened to some of the comments tonight..."...what I'd give to hear him laugh one last time..." and they break my heart all over again. I remember days curled up in a chair holding one of my father's shirts so I could smell him...feel him holding me. I'd have given anything to see his crooked smile with the gap between his front teeth...which all three of us inherited to varying degrees. Or to hear him make fun of me as he kicked my butt at our weekly game of Spades. The man could count cards and he was hard to beat.
People come and go in our lives and sometimes they disappear so swiftly that we cannot adapt easily to the change, particularly when it is someone we have invested much of ourselves, especially emotionally, in that person. I dislike goodbyes, it always seems so ridiculous that we can't hold on to at least a semblance of the relationship we once had. But sometimes, goodbyes are an essential part of life...and the lack of opportunity is what devastates us.
I wonder, from the perspective of one left behind, if it is easier to have the opportunity to say goodbye...at the cost of watching your loved one suffer...or to know they went quickly and with little suffering, but you had no chance to exchange your final words...those 'I love you's' and 'goodbye'. And even now..I don't have an answer I find comfort in.
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I choose...
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Oct 10, 2011 9:02 pm
1939 Views
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Regardless of your personal beliefs about God, these are beautiful and inspirational words. More than that, they are words I choose to guide my life....
When God Whispers Your Name - Max Lucado
"For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice.....And so I choose.
I choose love...
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose joy...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My spouse will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their parent will not come home.
I choose gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I choose self-control...
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest."
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Remembrance
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Oct 9, 2011 8:38 pm
1920 Views
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Make love to me in images shaped of words. Your heart knows the song of my soul and has composed symphonies of whispers with which to tempt the flame. Do you wonder if the conflagration will devour? A promise made that yet you will survive to brace the next...and yet the next.
There is a silvered ring of truth cast tight round us, purity ensured by blessed intensity of Vulcan's forge, poured from the pot when yet the tapestry had not been woven. Within the bounds are neither lies nor deceits for in the truth we weave our strength.
Your hands are wound tight within long strands of burnished auburn like flaming twigs twined through the fire, holding tight the heat lest it be spent while mine sinuously slide over golden skin drawing it tighter to my need. I am not clay, but yet the unshaped flame dancing over you as it awaits anticipated fuel.
You are remembered from the day in which the weaver drew first ribbon through a canvas so fine that each thread was bound in permamence. As I tremble to whispering touches I reflect on dreams as boats carrying me upon the river of your call. A twinkling of flutelike melody ripples through my soul as I feel your seeking....and respond.
I await you.
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Question #11
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Oct 9, 2011 4:36 am
1903 Views
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Hmmm...a post by GG made me think...and wonder...
If, when a window closes, a door opens, can we create the door ourselves? Must it be real or is it acceptable to be a reasonable facsimile? Is it opened for us, or are we able to open it ourselves?
And once opened...is there anyone brave enough to step through...or is the challenge...not quite worth the risk?
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14
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At Dawn
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Oct 6, 2011 10:27 pm
2005 Views
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I feel you turn beside me
Tucking your hand against a heart
That knows no boundaries,
Feels no restrictions,
Quietly wraps me in faith.
There is no doubt when you are near.
Tiny bells tinkle from the bedskirt
As it moves in undulant waves,
Each curve in the drape rippling
In an unheard crescendo
Until the room is peopled in tones.
Your love the symphony to which my soul beats.
Watching the darkling tremor of black lashes
Stroking golden skin touched with the ink
Of morning’s unshaven texture,
A tender need to draw your innocence
Into protective arms.
I’d strike the harshness from their words, if chance there came.
Dusky lips, curved luxuriantly into fullness
Which taunt gentled fingers to trace with delicacy.
One long nail brushing almost unfelt
Until nerves erupt into exquisite sensation,
A whispered touch followed by slumberous smiles.
The poetry of your body signed in my heart’s pulse.
Bring forth the sun hidden in the flames
Of eyes darkened with desire.
World’s tremble as you draw me near,
Sculptor’s hungering for final glimpses
Pure essence planed within untainted spirit.
What joy this love has brought to me.
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16
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First snowfall....
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Oct 6, 2011 8:59 pm
1901 Views
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Between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m., we got 9.25 inches of wet, slobbery, slushy snow. By 11:00 a.m. it was more than 12.5 inches and it kept coming all day long. Interestingly, we got twice as much snow at the plant than at home despite the fact that there are only five miles between them. When I got home tonight, I had no power and no heat. My house was below 60 degrees and the birds were whining. The dogs were wet and miserable and cuddled up on my lap under a blanket so they could soak me...and dry out.
I spent hours today just standing in the snow...in my short pants and t-shirt. I love when it falls on my face and hair. In fact, several times I was told I looked like a fairy with all the snow in my hair (personally I think it's more like imp)...and that as it melted it looked like I had glitter sprinkled over it. An amazing substance...water...in all its moods. I'm not ready for winter yet, but the break into much colder weather was refreshing and so much fun...except for driving which was a small nightmare. Part of me longs for the days to stay somewhat cool a bit longer, but another part wants to fall into the cold of winter. Of course, with winter we get higher heating bills as well. You take the good with the bad.
Tonight the snow has stopped. There are massive branches down all over town although somehow my trees did not lose many. We have power once again and the house is warm. The dogs are snuggly, warm, and dry. It is expected to hit 70 degrees again by Saturday.
Amazing thing, the weather...
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16
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What would you give?
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Oct 5, 2011 11:19 pm
1812 Views
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Had to turn the heat on tonight, the house was at 57, which is almost too cold for the birds. Of course I snuggled under my favorite blanket and promptly fell asleep. A nice snooze with the dogs curled up, Schatze nudged against my side and Schavonne curled up acrosd my feet, and I was warm and toasty....and totally comfortable. Sometimes it surprises me how little it takes to make me happy.
A friend of mine is getting divorced. He's one of those people who can't stand not being in a relationship and, while his marriage is a nightmare and his wife wants nothing to do with him, he's still focused on salvaging the relationship because 1) he doesn't want to admit he's failed for the fifth time, and 2) he can't stand the idea of being alone. Personally, if my partner ever told me he supposed he should just stay married to me and miserable so everyone else would be happy, I wouldn't be sticking around, but to each his own.
I asked him today if he was in love with her.
"I care for her."
"That's not what I asked. Can you tell me you are in love with her?"
"I don't think I can love anyone that way."
"Bullshit. Everyone can love. Tell me this, what would you give up for your children?"
"Everything."
"Then you can love that way. What would you give up for your wife?"
"I've already given up..."
"I know, but if you can't tell me you'd give up everything for her, you don't love her the way you both deserve to love and be loved."
"Arre, I've never loved anyone that way."
"You love your children that way."
"How long did you know Jeff?"
"Don't pull the pot/kettle cliche with me, we are two different people in two different relationships."
"Okay, what would you have given up for Jeff?"
"Everything. If he needed money, I'd sell everything I owned to help him."
"I'm not sure I've ever loved anyone that way. What would you have given up for Mer?"
"A wedding ring...and it felt great when it came off. Are you satisfied with any of your marriages?"
"No, but sometimes you have to take what you can get."
"That's settling."
"Arre, wouldn't you settle for any relationship right now?"
"No, I'd rather be alone than be with anyone who can't make me feel so loved I can't imagine tomorrow without them."
"You could die alone if you keep feeling that way."
"Isn't that better than being with someone who just tolerates your presence so they don't have to be alone?"
"No, it's better to have someone in your life. Arre, who's going to want me when they hear I've been married five times?"
"A woman who really loves you won't care how many times you've been married...she'll love the man you are. She might stop and wonder WHY you've been married so many times. You can just explain that you were born stupid and didn't make any effort to correct it."
"This is why I send you emails addressed to 'Dear Gentlemen'."
Do men always have to get the last word? I call him Eeyore cause he's always looking at the dark side of life, but I really love the man and value our friendship quite highly. It's just that sometimes I want to smack some sense into him and at others, I look at him and think...you are exactly the reason I prefer to see what's beautiful in the world. I never want to be as alone in life as you are.
So...what would you give?
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